I Lost My Job

I suppose a better title would be “I’ve Completed My Job”.  It looks like baby M will be going home to her Daddy tomorrow.  

As we finished up our foster license Kirk always prayed that God would give us a placement that we’d be able to carry through to the end and reunification with the child’s family.  I secretly, and selfishly, wanted a placement that we’d get to keep.  Well God more than graciously answered Kirk’s selfless prayer over my selfish one.  But in the process He has changed my heart again.  I have spent a little over a month getting to know baby M’s mom and dad.  Mom’s got some things to work on and she’s throwing herself into it believing God has given her another chance to be a mommy.  We pray for her that God would bring healing to her body.  Baby M’s dad hasn’t had a newborn in a long time and is going to be learning a lot in the process.  But I love that I’ve had the privilege of watching him snuggle with her and answering his questions about napping and formula and car seats.  He’s going to make a great daddy.  We are hopeful that we will remain in some sort of contact with baby M and her family as they adjust and will get to be a support to them. 

God is a good God!  Baby M’s dad is constantly thanking us for what we are doing but I feel like it has been such a gift from God to get to do this.  

baby M's blanket

baby M’s blanket

On to the next adventure! …in the meantime we have a new hen laying eggs (5 eggs today) and I’ve started planting the garden.

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Healing through Creating

We spent the summer healing from the grief of not getting to adopt.  We spent the summer building and creating, together as a family.  We set out to build a chicken coop, we sawed and hammered and drilled.  Together as a family we accomplished what we set out to do.  It felt so good, in our journey of growing our family which at that point was seeming so unproductive it was exhilarating to accomplish a task successfully.

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Now months have passed and the chickens have grown, one has started laying eggs, two began cock-a-doodle-dooing and are relocated.  The kids have gone back to school.  Fall is over and winter is on it’s last leg.  The grieving is still in my heart.  I am thrilled that Simeon is getting to grow up with his mommy.  But my mommy heart is still aching to be filled.  I ask God, “What is Your will for me?” “When will You see fit to use me?” “When will I get to be a mommy to another precious one?”  

God is a gentle and loving Father and has been gracious to show me that He is answering my prayers, the deeper longings of my heart to become more like Jesus.

He has broken my heart.  My heart breaks for the mother who is unable to parent her child. I weep for the mommy who writes me to say she’s considering giving away her child because she can’t provide for him.  My prayer changes from, “God give me another child” to “God provide for this family so that they can keep their baby.”  God has moved our hearts from wanting a child for our own to wanting to foster kids with the hope of helping heal families.

God has helped me to be useful in this time of waiting.  I get to bake, take Derby on long walks, have tea with friends, babysit, sub at the kids’ school.  I get to run errands by myself, learn to play the piano, and fill out paperwork for our foster license.  

Time goes on, God works at making my heart more in line with Jesus’.  I pray for kids we hear about.  I pray for God to give me patience.  I pray for God to use me and my gifts in some way each day.  And we wait.  

Psalm 13:5-6  “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.”

The Waiting Game

Well, we’ve finished our foster classes (9 weeks of 3 hours each Tuesday night).  We’ve got a month to relax a little and try to get all of our paperwork finished.  And then in April we’ll have two all-day Saturday adoption classes.  Then we’re done, with the easy part.  Then comes waiting.  It’s been brought to our attention several time how hard it might be for us to get a placement in the age-range we feel is right for our family.  This may mean that we have to wait for a long time.  That’s been hard on me emotionally but then I think of some who are dear to me that have had to wait a long time to conceive a child.  It has given me so much more respect for them and their patience in waiting.   We don’t know exactly what the Lord’s will is for us.  How do we know if we need to expand our expectations of “baby number three.”  How do we know if we should stick with the state system to adopt (should we look into private or international)?  God hasn’t written these answers on the wall.