Vicious Cycle

I feel like we are stuck in a vicious cycle. There are several things that we feel committed to as a family but at times these things seem to be in conflict with each other. Lately this has become most apparent in our desire to grow our family through adoption.

Commitment: Kirk’s job at New City Fellowship. We know this is where God has placed our family. Kirk is good at his job and enjoys it. God is using him to show love to the nations by pursuing multicultural music. Our church also believes in walking with the poor. They pay Kirk enough to support his family but not too much to make him unable to sympathize with those around us who are poor. This has been a good thing in our life as we humbly are able to understand what it is like to live paycheck-to-paycheck, almost. New City Fellowship is a good thing God has put in our life.

Commitment: Sarah’s job as a stay-at-home mom. I believe that the best thing I can do for my kids is be a stay-at-home mom for them during the first few years of their life. This gives them the chance to have a stable foundation as they go on into the world. It is hard to be a full-time mommy but also so rewarding. I have loved being able to fully invest myself in my kids, my household, and BAKING! Being at home full time also make me able to spend the time needed to work with a newly adopted child as they mourn for the loss of their first family and attach to ours.

Commitment: Living in the inner city. We moved into our house three and a half years ago. We wanted to live near the church office. God has blessed us with a wonderful block full of wonderful people. We happen to be the only non-African American family on the block. I love it! I love the environment for my kids. I love that I am pushed to step our of my comfort zone to go the the grocery store where I will be the only white face. I love the connections I have made and the acceptance I have received from those around us. I am glad that our AA adopted children will have people around them with the same skin color. And that I am having the opportunity to taste what it is like to be in the minority.

Commitment: Love and compassion for the orphan, the widow, and the refugee. Jesus’ kingdom. This is what has drawn us to pursue adoption rather than having more biological children. We have the space, love, and community that make us good candidates for adoption. Our compassion does not end with children who need a family, we also feel deeply for mom’s who are facing crisis pregnancies. Our desire for a child is balanced with a desire for moms to be able to raise their children. We are also committed to trans-racial adoption. We believe that God has equipped us to be a good option for an African American child because we will be able to raise him/her in an environment where they will be involved with other trans-racial families and have positive African American role models in their life through our neighborhood, church, and school.

Lately I have been frustrated with how our commitment to transracial adoption is being blocked by our financial commitment to being in our church which makes us a good option for a transracial adoption. Arg!

The best way to learn to trust my Heavenly Father is to be forced to trust him. I’m learning this, slowly.

Please pass around our adoption profile to anyone and everyone: KirkSarahAdoptionProfile.wordpress.com.

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Family of Four

I figure the most fitting title to this blog post referred to the post preceding it, “A Family of Six.”  We are no longer a family of six as B and M are no longer living with us.  A very long and personal story of struggle and grief.  It was an extremely difficult decision to make but we had to ask for them to be moved to another foster family.  We have since closed our file with Children’s Division and are now beginning the process of growing our family through private adoption.  We had B and M for about 6 months and then have been gone from our home for about 6 months.  We’ve learned a lot, hurt a lot, grown a lot, and been forced to lean on God’s grace a lot.  We live in a sinful and broken world and it’s messy.  I am learning about loss and grief on a more personal level than I ever have before and thank God that my heart will always be a little bit broken for my blond kiddos that I briefly had the pleasure to love on.  We were praying at night for B and M and Joanna said, “Why do they keep getting passed from family to family.”  I hate that their mother’s selfishness is causing them so much harm.  I am babysitting my friends’ daughters a few days a week and one of them is a baby.  Sam has been so sweet with her and I asked him if he’s excited about having another baby in our family.  “I want baby M in my family,” he said.  I’m thankful that Joanna and Sam remember B and M with fondness and have forgotten how hard it was.

Psalm 37 has become my theme and comfort of the last year of waiting for a placement and now as we begin waiting again and healing from our time with B and M.  “The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand.” (v. 23-24)

A Family of Six

I know it’s been awhile since I’ve written.  I’ve been crocheting like crazy getting ready for fall craft sales as I work to save up enough money to finally fly to Kenya to visit my sisters, brother-in-law, and neices.  I’ve also been struggling a lot as I try to wait patiently for God’s perfect timing to provide us with the kids we so long for in our family.  And then suddenly, out of the blue, He’s provided!

This past Monday I got a call from our adoption worker saying they had two kids that needed a new home the next day.  A 2-year old girl and a 10-month old boy.  Were we interested.  After spending the rest of the day in confusion, tears, talking, and praying we met with our worker and decided to say, “Yes!”  We preceded to excitedly rearrange our kids’ bedrooms and get ready.  On Tuesday afternoon B-girl and Baby M arrived.  I was looking forward to slowly getting them adjusted to our house routines and us adjusted to them and then Wednesday night Joanna woke up and started throwing up.  Thursday afternoon Sam started throwing up.  So we spent several days surviving and Kirk’s mom was kind enough to come up to help us out (thanks Dad for making that sacrifice).  We got to go to church on Sunday which was an answer to prayer for me.  Then I went to bed Sunday night feeling sick and threw up in the morning.  Now Kirk is sick and I’m on the mend.  I’m tempted to ask God why He picked this timing in our life to all get sick but He has been so faithful to sustain us and has provided so much encouragement from our church family.

We are adjusting slowly to life with four kids 4 and younger.  In my exhaustion I feel fulfilled and the Spirit has been gracious to give me patience and wisdom.  The kids are getting along well enough, better than I’d expected.  I just can’t wait until we’re all well and can really find our routine.  Please Jesus let it come soon.

Passing the Time

This week a “staffing” will be held where a panel of about 12 people will determine who will become a forever family for a little boy we are interested in. We are one of the 4 families being looked at. I feel so excited, anxious, peaceful, overwhelmed. God is faithful. A wonderful woman was at my house yesterday and reminded me that God knows what will happen in the future. That there could be something years down the road that would make us a bad choice as a family for this little boy. So maybe we wouldn’t get picked and wouldn’t understand why…but God knows. I am so thankful to serve a God who is in control and is so loving of me to care for me. He’s given me much peace. If we do not get to be this boy’s family I will be VERY disappointed but I know that I can trust God.

So in the meantime I’ve spent the week taking care of a friend’s little girl. It’s been wonderful! I’m too busy to dwell on the decisions of Friday all the time. Joanna and Sam have had a blast being big siblings. I am SO proud of them and how much they’ve helped by playing with her, feeding her, getting her toys and pacifiers, etc. I think they’re gonna do great adding another member to our family when the time comes!

My Summer So Far

Time is changing and I feel like my life is in waiting. This summer has been full of social activity and fun. Running in the early morning with friends. Weekly get-togethers with fellow Christian sisters. Crocheting and embroidering.  Weeding and planting in the garden. Sweating outside so we can play with neighbor friends and host a Bible Club. Frustration, anger, joy, and laughter with the kids. And waiting…waiting for God to make me like Him…waiting for a call from our adoption specialist…waiting for the heat to pass…waiting for the house to be clean. God please help me to be satisfied!

A Little Reminder

For those who don’t know it, I grew up in Kenya as a missionary kid.  When I was one year old my parents moved to Kenya and we lived in a rural setting.  My life today is very different and my children are growing up in a VERY different setting.  However, there are some similarities.

1. God loves variety.  I grew up in a white, American family with black Africans around me.  The school I attended in Nairobi, though mostly white was still very diverse.  My kids get to experience God’s blessing of diversity in our neighborhood and in our church.

2.  Bare feet!  I grew up running around barefoot and playing soccer barefoot.  Though I don’t let my kids play out front in barefeet (too much broken glass), they are always barefoot out back (still some broken glass but not as much).  When it rains they go through several sets of clothes from jumping in puddles and playing in mud.  I hate the laundry but love the experience they are getting.

3.  Wildlife!  Sure, we don’t see giraffe and zebra when we go out for a drive or on a trip through the country.  But we have cats and we’ve seen some possum and even a bunny and birds at our bird feeder.  This new little friend has made his home on our sunflower.  As a child there was a praying mantis who made his home in our kitchen.  This little guy reminds me of my home in Muruu (and here are some other pictures of our garden).

G is for Guitar

Here’s a little advert. I wrote up. What do you think?  Wanna join us?

My name is Sarah, I am a stay-at-home mom, mother of two, wife to one, and grateful believer in Jesus. Each Tuesday morning my home is filled with extra squeals of laughter and creative juices. It’s Craft and Cooking Club time. Open for any kid between the ages of 3 and 5. Each week we learn two letters of the alphabet, the sounds they make, words that start with them, and how to write them. Each week we do one craft project and one cooking project, corresponding with the letters of the week. Currently we meet from 9:00 and 12:00 on Tuesday mornings. I charge $10 per week and ask that I be paid for 4 weeks at a time. If you are interested in joining us or know someone who may be just leave me a comment.