*Author’s Note: D is up from his nap so this is an unedited and pre-proofread version of the post…unlikely to be edited later. 🙂
I made the comment to Kirk last night that sometimes I wish we had been able to have D since he was born. We were thinking back over the various children God has brought in and out of our life and the journey that He has taken us on in order to get us to where we are today. On the day that D was born, we weren’t ready yet to be his parents. Four and a half years ago, when D was born, if he had entered foster care we wouldn’t have been there to be his placement. We didn’t want to be foster parents, we wanted to be adoptive parents.
Three month before D was born we took in a pre-adoptive placement. One month into our journey we became foster parents as the court decided to try to get the kids back with their mom. This proved to be 6 of the hardest months of my life. We learned that some moms desperately want to be good moms but just haven’t been taught how. They love their kids but seem to be unable to get stable enough to provide their kids with what they need. After 6 months we had to ask for the kids to be moved, we struggled through the guild of that decision and closed our foster/adoptive license saying we would never foster again (at this point D was 3 months old).
By the time D was 1 year old we had decided to pursue private adoption and were working on our private home study through a local foster agency. By the time D was 18 months old we had been matched with a mom and were taking home her baby from the hospital. A week later we were driving to her house to give the baby back. We spent the next six months trying to figure out what God was doing in our lives and asking Him lots of “why” questions.
By the time D was 2 years old, we had decided to foster. We’d re-taken the 9 weeks of classes to become licensed and switched our adoptive home study into a foster home study. And taken in our first placement. We still stay in contact with Baby Girl M’s father. I asked God for a clear sign that fostering was the right path for us and He gave us M. She was delightful. Her father was grateful. We had spent months healing from the pain of feeling like God had used and abused us in our previous situations. We began to see more and more the dire need for foster families. In the two years that we’ve fostering we’ve had 8 placements (and done respite for several more).
After baby girl M who went home to her dad after a couple of months. We had her in the spring. That summer we had baby boy J who went to a friend of the family. That summer we also decided not to pursue twin girls J and J. We did respite care for them for several weeks and enjoyed them so much. This was the biggest conflict of our marriage so far. That fall, on my birthday, we took in Little D. If D had come into care when he was born, we wouldn’t have been ready for him. It’s been a long, hard journey, but I am so thankful for the work that God has patiently been doing on our hearts to bring us the the place where we’d be ready to step in and become his parents.