Healing through Creating

We spent the summer healing from the grief of not getting to adopt.  We spent the summer building and creating, together as a family.  We set out to build a chicken coop, we sawed and hammered and drilled.  Together as a family we accomplished what we set out to do.  It felt so good, in our journey of growing our family which at that point was seeming so unproductive it was exhilarating to accomplish a task successfully.

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Now months have passed and the chickens have grown, one has started laying eggs, two began cock-a-doodle-dooing and are relocated.  The kids have gone back to school.  Fall is over and winter is on it’s last leg.  The grieving is still in my heart.  I am thrilled that Simeon is getting to grow up with his mommy.  But my mommy heart is still aching to be filled.  I ask God, “What is Your will for me?” “When will You see fit to use me?” “When will I get to be a mommy to another precious one?”  

God is a gentle and loving Father and has been gracious to show me that He is answering my prayers, the deeper longings of my heart to become more like Jesus.

He has broken my heart.  My heart breaks for the mother who is unable to parent her child. I weep for the mommy who writes me to say she’s considering giving away her child because she can’t provide for him.  My prayer changes from, “God give me another child” to “God provide for this family so that they can keep their baby.”  God has moved our hearts from wanting a child for our own to wanting to foster kids with the hope of helping heal families.

God has helped me to be useful in this time of waiting.  I get to bake, take Derby on long walks, have tea with friends, babysit, sub at the kids’ school.  I get to run errands by myself, learn to play the piano, and fill out paperwork for our foster license.  

Time goes on, God works at making my heart more in line with Jesus’.  I pray for kids we hear about.  I pray for God to give me patience.  I pray for God to use me and my gifts in some way each day.  And we wait.  

Psalm 13:5-6  “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.”

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8 thoughts on “Healing through Creating

  1. Nice to see you back on your blog! You make a very important distinction between the heart that says, “I want to be a mommy and am glad to gain a child someone else has carried.” and saying, “I want this child to be cared for by his mommy and know the pain she will face if she can’t do that.” Being a mom means putting the child’s needs before yours so your serving can lead to their ability to do the same toward others as they grow to maturity.

  2. It’s so good to “hear” your voice again. May God bless you with a baby and continue to do His deep work in you.
    P.S. You also get to make homemade marshmellows! That is SO awesome!
    😉

  3. Reblogged this on Worship In The City and commented:
    This is a post by my wife. She is so much better at expressing things without going on-and-on like I do. I talk a lot about my job on this blog, but Sarah’s post shows you a lot more of what our personal life has been like. Thank you, my love, and thank you Jesus for loving and redeeming our family.

  4. So good to hear how God is answering your prayers as well as ours for you. I love the fact that the Bible promises us that “God will wipe away every tear”. What a loving God and Father we have!

  5. Oh, Sarah, my heart aches for you as you long for more children. But I admire you and your family as you wait on the Lord, and as you offer yourselves as living sacrifices who are willing to help the fatherless. Love you, sister!!

  6. Sarah, may God give continued comfort and purpose to you. So sorry for your pain. I have been blessed, though I deeply grieve that I will never have biological children, or grandchildren, to be able to take a turn in nursery for other parents and try to love my students and some special children of close friends and give them a bit of respite now and then from being “in the trenches” of minute by minute parenting stress. May God also comfort and strengthen you and Kirk each day.

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