I figure the most fitting title to this blog post referred to the post preceding it, “A Family of Six.” We are no longer a family of six as B and M are no longer living with us. A very long and personal story of struggle and grief. It was an extremely difficult decision to make but we had to ask for them to be moved to another foster family. We have since closed our file with Children’s Division and are now beginning the process of growing our family through private adoption. We had B and M for about 6 months and then have been gone from our home for about 6 months. We’ve learned a lot, hurt a lot, grown a lot, and been forced to lean on God’s grace a lot. We live in a sinful and broken world and it’s messy. I am learning about loss and grief on a more personal level than I ever have before and thank God that my heart will always be a little bit broken for my blond kiddos that I briefly had the pleasure to love on. We were praying at night for B and M and Joanna said, “Why do they keep getting passed from family to family.” I hate that their mother’s selfishness is causing them so much harm. I am babysitting my friends’ daughters a few days a week and one of them is a baby. Sam has been so sweet with her and I asked him if he’s excited about having another baby in our family. “I want baby M in my family,” he said. I’m thankful that Joanna and Sam remember B and M with fondness and have forgotten how hard it was.
Psalm 37 has become my theme and comfort of the last year of waiting for a placement and now as we begin waiting again and healing from our time with B and M. “The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand.” (v. 23-24)