A week ago we were included in a “staffing” to determine which of four families would get to pursue the adoption of a specific little boy. We were one of the families and felt like we had a really good chance of being chosen. So we carefully held our emotions at bay but the thoughts still came through of where will he sleep, how will we set up the bedrooms, and I can’t wait to start washing all the clothes and putting them in his dresser (very similar to nesting right before giving birth). It was determined that one of the other families would be the best family to raise him. We were very sad for ourselves but happy that he will have a family and happy for that family, whoever they may be. We were gone for the weekend and it was wonderful to escape from real life.
It was a wonderful weekend of hanging out with my husband’s father’s family. I am so blessed to have married into such a loving, joyful, musical, emotional, and godly family. But as we’ve been home I’ve been working through my sadness of not getting to welcome a new child into the family. I long for the day that we get to focus on a particular child and make plans and prepare the house and talked the kids about how our life is going to change. I’m so excited for that day and yet that day is at some unknown to me time in the future. I am reminded again and again about God’s loving sovereignty over my life. I am so thankful to serve a God who is both all-powerful and also so kind and gentle to me as a mere human. A confused and sinful and un-trusting human. I’m thankful that He’s big enough to accept my doubts and my fears and work through them with me.
So what does all this emotional rambling have to do with being an MK? I grew up as a missionary kid (MK) in Kenya and that has impacted me more than most other things in my life. A lot of MKs have a hard time settling down. I never felt that way until recent years. I find myself getting bored and needing change. Life starts to feel stagnant for me after awhile. So Kirk and I were talking about all of the major life changed we’ve had in the last 6 years. Got married. Moved to a new city. Started new jobs. Got pregnant. Quit my job. Had a baby. Got pregnant. Threw up a lot. Had a second baby. Bought a house. Went to London several time. Got two cats. Started the adoption process.
Now I’m starting to have these longings for something new again and what I really want is a new child. But God has said, “wait.” So what do I do while I wait. Get a dog? Rearrange the house? Get depressed? Or try to focus on the kids God’s already given me and their needs and realize that I really do have a lot of change coming up. I’m trying to keep that in mind so here’s a list for you.
-we’ll be hosting a bible club on our block this week
-we’re going to Chattanooga/Murphy in a couple of weeks
-Joanna starts school soon
-I start watching my friend’s baby next month for one day each week
-our house guest for the summer leaves next month and I can rearrange to my heart’s content
Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him.