“1 Feb. 2006:
I had a pretty rough weekend. There’s a couple things that have been hard for me. I was feeling really emotionally drained. I realized that I spend all day/night giving of myself; serving Joanna. It can really make me feel empty. I know I can’t do it all myself and I need help. It’s hard for me to ask for help, especially day after day. Kirk is always helpful when I ask but I want him to help on his own…to read my mind. I find that I get so self-focused I don’t notice all that he does without my prompting.
The other thing I was struggling with was not having any sort of routine or “purpose” to my dayss. My main purpose is to take care of Joanna, but what am I to do with the rest of my day? I had a list of things to work on, but it was never-ending. So, I’ve made myself a schedule and it’s been great the first two days it’s been in use. Monday, Family Day (Kirk’s day off); Tuesday, house-cleaning; Wednesday, Business/office-type work; Thursday, grocery shopping; Friday, cooking/baking; Saturday, Sarah time and laundry (of course I also do laundry at least one more time during the week-babies make a lot of dirty stuff); Sunday, sabbath.”
It’s been a lot harder for me to get used to my new lifestyle than I thought it would be. I’ve been a lot more emotional and sensitive than I’d like. I feel like I’m getting the “Mommy” aspect down, but struggling with how to be a Mommy and a wife. But God is patient and gracious and has given me a husband made in His image.
“1 Feb. 2006: