How often I forget this and find myself singing, or rather anxious and stressed out that He’s got the whole world and put it in my hands.  When really I need to remember that He does have the whole world and it is all in His hands.

We’ve been talking about adoption again with the kids and it’s been nice to talk in terms of having a baby that will be in our family forever.  You hear a lot about becoming a “forever family” for a kid who needs a family.  It’s been nice to be able to tell our kids that whoever we adopt will be a “forever sibling” to them.  I’ve had some sweet talks with the kids about things we liked and miss about B and M.  I’m usually choking back tears that later come out when I’m alone or someone who knows me dearly asks me a direct question about how we’re doing.

Psalm 107:17-22  “Some were fools through their sinful ways, and because of their iniquities suffered affliction; they loathed any kind of food, and they drew near to the gates of death.  Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress.  He sent out his word and healed them, and delivered them from their destruction.  Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of men!  And let them offer sacrifices of thanksgiving, and tell of his deeds in songs of joy!”

Psalm 37 has become my theme and comfort of the last year of waiting for a placement and now as we begin waiting again and healing from our time with B and M.  “The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand.” (v. 23-24)

This past Monday I got a call from our adoption worker saying they had two kids that needed a new home the next day.  A 2-year old girl and a 10-month old boy.  Were we interested.  After spending the rest of the day in confusion, tears, talking, and praying we met with our worker and decided to say, “Yes!”  We preceded to excitedly rearrange our kids’ bedrooms and get ready.  On Tuesday afternoon B-girl and Baby M arrived.  I was looking forward to slowly getting them adjusted to our house routines and us adjusted to them and then Wednesday night Joanna woke up and started throwing up.  Thursday afternoon Sam started throwing up.  So we spent several days surviving and Kirk’s mom was kind enough to come up to help us out (thanks Dad for making that sacrifice).  We got to go to church on Sunday which was an answer to prayer for me.  Then I went to bed Sunday night feeling sick and threw up in the morning.  Now Kirk is sick and I’m on the mend.  I’m tempted to ask God why He picked this timing in our life to all get sick but He has been so faithful to sustain us and has provided so much encouragement from our church family.

We are adjusting slowly to life with four kids 4 and younger.  In my exhaustion I feel fulfilled and the Spirit has been gracious to give me patience and wisdom.  The kids are getting along well enough, better than I’d expected.  I just can’t wait until we’re all well and can really find our routine.  Please Jesus let it come soon.

It was a wonderful weekend of hanging out with my husband’s father’s family. I am so blessed to have married into such a loving, joyful, musical, emotional, and godly family. But as we’ve been home I’ve been working through my sadness of not getting to welcome a new child into the family. I long for the day that we get to focus on a particular child and make plans and prepare the house and talked the kids about how our life is going to change. I’m so excited for that day and yet that day is at some unknown to me time in the future. I am reminded again and again about God’s loving sovereignty over my life. I am so thankful to serve a God who is both all-powerful and also so kind and gentle to me as a mere human. A confused and sinful and un-trusting human. I’m thankful that He’s big enough to accept my doubts and my fears and work through them with me.

So what does all this emotional rambling have to do with being an MK? I grew up as a missionary kid (MK) in Kenya and that has impacted me more than most other things in my life. A lot of MKs have a hard time settling down. I never felt that way until recent years. I find myself getting bored and needing change. Life starts to feel stagnant for me after awhile. So Kirk and I were talking about all of the major life changed we’ve had in the last 6 years. Got married. Moved to a new city. Started new jobs. Got pregnant. Quit my job. Had a baby. Got pregnant. Threw up a lot. Had a second baby. Bought a house. Went to London several time. Got two cats. Started the adoption process.

Now I’m starting to have these longings for something new again and what I really want is a new child. But God has said, “wait.” So what do I do while I wait. Get a dog? Rearrange the house? Get depressed?  Or try to focus on the kids God’s already given me and their needs and realize that I really do have a lot of change coming up. I’m trying to keep that in mind so here’s a list for you.
-we’ll be hosting a bible club on our block this week
-we’re going to Chattanooga/Murphy in a couple of weeks
-Joanna starts school soon
-I start watching my friend’s baby next month for one day each week
-our house guest for the summer leaves next month and I can rearrange to my heart’s content

Psalm 37.
Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him.

So in the meantime I’ve spent the week taking care of a friend’s little girl. It’s been wonderful! I’m too busy to dwell on the decisions of Friday all the time. Joanna and Sam have had a blast being big siblings. I am SO proud of them and how much they’ve helped by playing with her, feeding her, getting her toys and pacifiers, etc. I think they’re gonna do great adding another member to our family when the time comes!

Next came our meeting with our adoption specialist where we discussed a potential child and some crazy new developments…no case is typical we learned in class and now we get to learn it on a practical level. But God is faithfully keeping my emotions in tact and continues to encourage me that He knows what kid we are right for and will bring him/her at the right time. Sorry, no further details in this public of a venue.

Then our friend and neighbor dropped by while he waited for his wife, who had the house key, to get home. Kirk had a wonderful conversation with him about adoption, city living, and the grace of Jesus. He is a believer who is feeling dissatisfied with his church where so much emphasis is placed on what separates them from others that they can’t just love people and see similarities. And also his desire for ministries of mercy. Kirk had a great opportunity to talk about New City and our core values of grace and justice.

Next big event was playing outside with the girls from next door. I won’t go into my conversation with one of the girls about how the Most High said that we’re supposed to wear skirts, not pants. As Bethany and I sat out there chatting we noticed some “suspicious” activity down the block. She’d walked down there earlier and seen guys in a car with a whole bunch of money…and guys hanging out in front of houses that are not occupied. So I finally got up the gumption to make my first call to the police to report it. This was a big step for me! A bit later two cop cars drove by, pulled over, chatted with the guys. And then sure enough handcuffed a man and a woman and spent quite awhile out there. Not sure what else happened but hopefully it’s a start to a safer block. It makes me think about the woman arrested…was it for prostitution? has she fallen into prostitution because she’s addicted to drugs? does she have children? will they go into state custody? will she be able to get over her addictions so that she can be a good mommy?

Lest you begin to think that city life is all crime and cops…this is the occurance at one end of the block while the rest of the block is made up of wonderful, neighborly people.

1. God loves variety.  I grew up in a white, American family with black Africans around me.  The school I attended in Nairobi, though mostly white was still very diverse.  My kids get to experience God’s blessing of diversity in our neighborhood and in our church.

2.  Bare feet!  I grew up running around barefoot and playing soccer barefoot.  Though I don’t let my kids play out front in barefeet (too much broken glass), they are always barefoot out back (still some broken glass but not as much).  When it rains they go through several sets of clothes from jumping in puddles and playing in mud.  I hate the laundry but love the experience they are getting.

3.  Wildlife!  Sure, we don’t see giraffe and zebra when we go out for a drive or on a trip through the country.  But we have cats and we’ve seen some possum and even a bunny and birds at our bird feeder.  This new little friend has made his home on our sunflower.  As a child there was a praying mantis who made his home in our kitchen.  This little guy reminds me of my home in Muruu (and here are some other pictures of our garden).